Unfortunately, for various reasons couples sometimes make the choice to end their marriage. If you think you might be at this point please contact us for education about Detente Collaborative Mediation. It is not traditional mediation. It allows couples to make their own choices in the comfort of an office instead of the discomfort of a court house. It is less emotionally harmful, teaches co-parenting skills for children of divorce and increases the likelihood of reconciliation because couples learn to communicate. If you have children, divorcing a person does not mean they leave your life completely. It is imperative to your children’s’ well being that you restructure your relationship with the children’s other parent for your child’s emotional health and your own sanity. If the litigation process has already begun to damage those relationships Collaborative Mediation and Divorce Coaching can help put those relationships back on track. Developed by Stacey H. Langenbahn, J.D., Attorney-Mediator. Detente Collaborative Mediation is the only one of its kind in Texas. Please read more at www.DivorceMediationTexas.com.
It is my desire to help marriages thrive. However, it is also my desire to provide couples that need to end their marriage with a process that will allow them to transition their family with a minimal amount of damage.
Divorce is the second most traumatic loss a person can face, never the less, it is sometimes unavoidable. It can be a mutual decision or one person makes that decision setting off a grief process of fear, sadness and anger for the other person. Therapists like myself have spent decades trying to help individuals suffering from the emotional impact of divorce. What we know is that it is not just the loss of relationships that damages people it is the degree of conflict that happens in the divorce that causes the most damage.
Most people who decide to divorce automatically think that the next step after the decision is made is to contact an attorney who will protect them because they are hurt or angry. You need to keep in mind that whatever your attorney might tell you they can get for you, you soon to be ex’s attorney is telling them that they can get them the opposite. And so the battles begin. Your attorneys’ advocacy for what you want immediately makes the two of you adversaries.
I used to lease in a law office, trust me the things attorneys do as normal course of business assure that people who could once interact no longer can and people who are already in high conflict will remain so for the rest of their lives. It’s not that they don’t want to help, there are some excellent attorneys who are conscious of not causing severe damage but the way the system is set up as a battle of attack with a win/lose causes irreparable damage.
If you are divorcing and in the anger phase of grief you might be so angry that every time you try to talk it ends in a fight. That tends to make people feel like the only way to divorce is by saying, “talk to my attorney”. You might think using that, as an out might be easier. But, if your think rationally, wouldn’t you rather keep your money than spend it on an expensive divorce? Wouldn’t you rather make the decisions that will impact the rest of your life than have a judge tell you what you have to live with? I’ve talked with people who have spent hundreds of thousands of dollars over the course of years and still don’t have a divorce and if they do it’s with settlements that don’t work for their lives. Neither person feels like they got what was important to them.
It’s relatively easy for people who are amicable to find a way to divorce that will save them money and allow them to co parent long term. Those people are calm enough to find an experienced mediator preferably with knowledge of law and of finances. But what if you are a high conflict couple? You fight whenever you talk? In my opinion it’s even more important for you to find experienced mediators. With the right help you can have a divorce where the two of you make decisions. Even if you are divorcing you still need to learn to talk to one another for the sake of your children. When parents can’t talk to each other and co parent together their children can have long-term emotional damage that can affect their lives and future relationships. So if you are already having high conflict it is even more important to get the help you need from an experienced team to help you learn to communicate and co parent together while saving you time and money.
If you have decided to end your marriage and are unable to talk about the plans for your children and finance please contact me for information about the Detente Mediation process. It is not traditional mediation where you pay two attorneys and a mediator after the attorneys have developed a case against your perspective soon to be exes. Detente allows couples to make their own choices in the comfort of an office instead of the discomfort of a courthouse. It is less emotionally harmful, teaches co-parenting skills for children of divorce and increases the likelihood of reconciliation because couples learn to communicate.
If you have children, divorcing a person does not mean they leave your life completely. It is imperative to your children’s’ well being that you restructure your relationship with the children’s other parent for your child’s emotional health and your own sanity. You must learn to love your children more than you hate your ex. If the litigation process has already begun to damage those relationships Detente Mediation and Divorce Coaching can help put those relationships back on track. Call now to schedule a free one-hour consultation.