Be Careful with Your Relationships

Irrational conversations that lead to wounding a loved one happen a lot over the holidays. I’ve recently had interactions with extended family members whose own stress has caused them to lash out and be very hurtful. I once heard the comedian Ron White say that he was going to marry a smart woman because you can change your looks but “you can’t fix stupid”. I’ve found myself saying “you can’t fix irrational”. That’s why it’s so very important to try to stay in rational brain when your under stress. Wounding others usually leaves good people feeling bad about what they have done. Offering an apology is the right thing to do and brings great healing. If you’ve hurt someone forgive yourself. If someone has hurt you forgive your offender. Think about what really matters to you before taking out your feelings on someone you love. Family relationships are precious but people are human. If you continue to hurt them, they will eventually decide that it’s too unhealthy for them to keep you in their life. So when something upsets you, take a breath, walk away until you calm down then try to talk them using “I” statements. Using “you” statements will only make them defensive and they can’t help you when their brain goes into fight or flight.

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