Being On Your Loved Ones Side

 

We all know the sinking feeling when someone does not support us, be it a friend, family member or partner. It is tough navigating a relationship when your partner is not on your side, it can leave us with hurt feelings, and ultimately, it can cause the relationship to end by making your partner shut down and loose trust.  Are you a supportive partner and take your partner’s side, or are you quick to blame and defend the source of pain for your partner? Granted, there are times when our partner’s choices may challenge us and our thinking, but having a healthy relationship means it is full of love, communication, and support. You don’t have to agree with your partner to be on their side.

For example, someone you love is hurt by someone else that you love.  Do you defend the other person when your loved one shares their pain? Or do you validate their emotions and show empathy for their pain? Are you willing to show love by taking small actions to help them? It’s the difference between being on your partners side and having your loved ones back or making them feel unsupported, alone and defensive..

Another  example might be: your partner would like to purchase a new computer that is expensive and the repairs are more costly if it breaks. You suggest a computer that is a fraction of the price as you think it is smarter to put the extra money towards something else. The less expensive computer may not have all the bells and whistles, but it may not functions the way your partner needs it to. You partner goes ahead and purchases the expensive computer, and after using it for a month, the computer crashes and needs repairs.

In this situation do you point the finger and say “I told you so” or do you offer a lending ear and listen to what your partner needs?

Your response to this situation will tell your partner if you are supportive of them or willing to be on their side..

It is entirely understandable if you are upset  that your partner spent extra money on a computer.  At the same time being in a relationship means we need to sometimes put our opinions aside and listen and help people we love.

If you tend to point fingers and say- “I told you so” this will automatically put your partner in a place of defensiveness. Over time your partner will learn not to come to you when they are experiencing challenges which can lead to a lack of trust and intimacy.

Next time your partner comes to you with a challenge they are experiencing, listen to what they have to say and be conscious of your reaction- Do you show love to your partner by being on their side? If you and your partner are struggling to understand each other’s perspective, it may be time to go to couples counseling. In counseling, the therapist will help you and your partner to understand how better to support each other and, ultimately, be on your partner’s side.

 

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