Marriage Advice

Build a Positive Relationship by Eliminating Negativity

arganda grupos para conocer gente Posted on Nov 21, 2014

Build a Positive Relationship by Eliminating Negativity

I just returned from the Imago Relationship Institute conference titled Joyful Aliveness. One of the keynote presentations was about Zero Negativity (ZN). Negativity is when we send the message that my way of thinking is right and your way of thinking is wrong and that there is only one valid truth. When we have that attitude about issues in our relationships we create an unsafe atmosphere. For the person who shuts down, there is no point in sharing my truth if it won’t be validated. We all desire connection which can only take place if we feel safe. We gravitate away from situations and people that we experience as not safe. ZN is about becoming aware of what we do that feels like negativity to our partner and stretching to help them experience us as a non negative safe person to be around. It’s a new concept for most couples to learn to change the things about me that cause my partner to either shut down or go in to fight...

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Learn About Your Relationships Over the Holidays

Posted on Nov 17, 2014

Learn About Your Relationships Over the Holidays

I love seeing couples after they have spent time with their families for the holidays. I often work with couples by helping them connect with the childhood wiring that comes out in their relationship. For many people being asked about the family dynamics that affect their relationship is difficult to find an answer for. Until they spend time with their family for the holidays. The couples I work with before the holidays have begun to have curiosity about their childhood wiring. They are often surprised to visit with family members and look at the family under the lens of their current relationship. They begin to discover answers about why they act and believe the way they do. They are able to grow and change their current relationships for the...

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Surviving Loss by Suicide Over the Holidays

Posted on Nov 11, 2014

Surviving Loss by Suicide Over the Holidays

Grief is particularly difficult over the holidays. Saturday Nov 22, 2014 Is International Survivors of Suicide Day. The American Foundation of Suicide Prevention will participate in presenting The Dallas Survivors of Suicide Day Conference. The conference will provide much needed support to those who have lost loved ones to suicide as well as teach tools to help deal with ongoing grief over the holidays. I encourage any one who has been touched by the loss of suicide to participate in the event. http://www.dallassurvivorsofsuicidedayconference.org/Main/Welcome.html  ...

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“Married at First Sight” an Amazing Social Experiment About Relationships

Posted on Sep 3, 2014

“Married at First Sight” an Amazing Social Experiment About Relationships

Being the mother of two daughters I’ve often joked that I am in favor of reinstating arranged marriages. So, I’ve recently been intrigued by watching “Married at First Sight”. It’s a social experiment where people are matched by testing and therapists. They meet at the alter and are married. The show then follows their relationship to see if the are able to stay married. What amazes me is watching the couples go through all the stages everyone goes through but at warped speed! Two of the three had great attraction and romantic brain. The third couple was developing romantic brain. All three have gone into conflict very quickly- no surprise to me. They are all receiving traditional couples therapy. I keep thinking though that what they need are tools to learn to understand each other and learn to connect. Traditional couples therapy doesn’t usually teach those tools. I’m hoping that they will be able to keep their commitments and have successful relationships. The show is a great example of what happens in couples relationships if played in super fast forward. Marriage Counseling at Confidential Care Professional Counseling Couples Therapy at Confidential Care Professional Counseling Christian Marriage Counseling at Confidential Care Professional...

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Did You Mean to Hurt Me?

Posted on Aug 26, 2014

Did You Mean to Hurt Me?

A recent cartoon I read had a picture of a man and woman with the nervous looking man saying “If something I’ve said can be interpreted in two ways and one of those ways upsets you, I meant the other one”. In my work with couples, I frequently see someone hurt by their INTERPRETATION of something their partner said.  I’ve begun to ask the question “would it benefit your partner to say something hurtful to you?” Because I believe that smart people don’t intentionally cause conflict. If you keep that in mind the next time you are hurt by something your partner says it might help you not to react in anger or pain.  Instead try asking the question- Was it your INTENT to hurt me with that comment?  Allow your partner to explain their true intent.   You will come away learning more about one another and hopefully avoiding an...

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Marriage tips: Blended families, Dealing with the ex

Posted on Jul 10, 2014

Marriage tips: Blended families, Dealing with the ex

I have to admit a true bias I have when working with blended families. I become biased and frustrated when a step-parent says to me “They spend too much time talking to their childs other parent”. I have to refrain from asking ‘how much time should parents spend discussing the well being and important decisions required to raise healthy children?’ My bias is that it is extremely important that parents raising children between two homes communicate frequently about the children in order to try to provide consistency in the two homes and be equally involved parents. I also believe in keeping children from feeling tension between the adults and that all the adults need to suck it up and play nice at events that are important to the children. This means sitting near each other at the ballet recital and showing up and being cordial at the birthday parties. You don’t have to love or have a relationship with your spouses ex or your ex’s spouse; but if you want healthy kids you have to interact as cordial adults even when it’s difficult. There are of course those situations where the ex has become intrusive in the new marriage. In those situations it’s important to set boundaries. Conversations may need to be limited to certain time of day and for a certain length of time, barring an emergency. Conversations also need to be limited to discussions about the children. It’s never ok to share things about your current marriage, unless it’s how amazing your new spouse is. It’s also not ok to share details about their new relationships except when we are having the discussion about introducing new relationships and getting enough information about the new person to feel relatively comfortable and be helpful when the children meet the new guy or...

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