Marriage Advice

Small Gestures Show You Care

read this article Posted on Mar 24, 2018

  When you first started dating your partner, you most likely showered them with gifts, attention, and dinners out. As time goes on, you move in together, get married, have kids, and work keeps you busy. The initial excitement of dating, and showing your partner you care about them through small gestures can take a backseat. Small gestures not only show someone you care about them, but it is also an opportunity to speak their love language. Before we jump into a few gestures, it is important to understand your partner’s love language as this will help you select which gesture will mean the most to your partner. Does your partner like to spend time together just the two of you? Is your partner into meaningful gifts? Does your partner enjoy physical touch? If you are unsure of what a love language is, you can learn more here. Small gestures to show you care: Do something they have been talking about: Has your partner wanted to try the new Asian restaurant in town, or have they wanted to try a new workout class at your gym? Focus in on an activity they have been talking about and book it for them, or for you to do as a couple. Gift giving: Thoughtful gifts go a long way to show you care. Picking up your partner’s favorite latte, flowers, or a baked treat shows them you are thinking about them. Tell them how you feel and how much you care for them: We often get wrapped up in the day to day that we forget to show our gratitude for one another. Take a moment to tell your partner how much they mean to you. If you are not much of a talker, you can always write out your gratitude in a nice card. Act of service: Has your partner been asking you to clean the sheets or take out the trash on a weekly basis? Do an act of service without them asking and leave them a note saying you took care of the task. Do something for someone your partner cares about: This is an extra step but is greatly meaningful to your partner and the person they care about. If you live in a different area from your in-laws, send them specialty chocolate, something made in your state, or a homemade treat.     Tags: couples, relationships, love language, gesture, giving  ...

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Make Goals for Your Relationship

Posted on Mar 18, 2018

A lot of us tend to make personal goals when it comes to our careers and health. Have you thought about making goals with your partner to help improve your relationship? Maybe you both are struggling with spending time together because the day keeps you so busy, or you both are looking to add more fun to your relationship. Goal Ideas: Unplug:   So you both are finding it hard to spend time together, but every night you both scroll through Facebook, Instagram, the news, and shop while you are unwinding before bed. Our smartphones can create a barrier and distance in relationships when they are used too much.  Make your bedroom a technology-free zone – no smartphones or computers, place your tablets and phones in a basket before spending time with your partner. Over time it will become a habit, and you and your partner will enjoy the technology-free quality time together. Eat Together:  If your goal as a couple is to order less take-out and cook and eat together; pick a few nights a week that work for each other’s schedule. Plan the meals you would like to make and buy all the groceries in advance. It is easy to slip into old habits and order take-out when you don’t have all the ingredients needed for your meals, so food prep will come in handy for couples that are not regular cooks. Financial Goal:  As a couple, are you working towards buying a home, car, or purchase new furniture? If saving money is a challenge for one partner, one idea is to send a certain percentage of their paycheck to a joint checking account that is reserved for the specific financial goal. At the end of the month, review your saved funds to see if you can make little adjustments to get your financial goal faster. Make Fun A Goal:  A favorite goal I like to see my couples accomplish is scheduling a time to just hang out,  talk, and work on their friendship.  It’s important to pull out the calendar and get times and dates confirmed.  If you fail to plan, you plan to fail.  Try to find ways to laugh and enjoy each other.  Take turns planning a new activity.  Find jokes and funny stories to tell each other.  Or blow bubbles, play with the kids toys together and just be...

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Surviving An Affair

Posted on Mar 12, 2018

Is it possible to trust your partner after they have had an affair? This is a loaded question, after an affair, the partner that was cheated on is confused, upset, angry, and betrayed.  With work, communication, and commitment a relationship can survive an affair. Steps a couple needs to take to survive an affair: Stop the affair– This seems like a simple one, but often after the physical part of an affair is over, people will continue to communicate. The partner that is having an affair needs to stop the affair immediately. This includes all phone calls, texts, emails, and connection on social media- if they are friends with the person they are having the affair with on social media, it is best to remove them from all accounts. It also helps to refer to that person as the affair partner or AP Answer questions– The partner that had the affair must be open to answering questions from their partner. The betrayed partner might feel like they need all the details.  It’s important that they ask themselves how or if some the details will help them or cause longer term pain. Ignoring it will only create more distance and won’t allow for emotional healing. Schedule times to talk.  Discussing it 24/7 will only exhaust both of you. Be realistic– The partner that cheated needs to understand that it takes time to heal from an affair. There is no set time on the healing process, and it may take 2 months, 1 year, or two years for the partner that was cheated on to move forward.  It’s a process that will require long term reassurance and honesty to get through. Talk about your feelings– It is essential for the partner that was cheated on to express their opinions about the affair- disappointment, anger, rage, and doubt are a range of emotions those who have been cheated on feel.  It is vital towards moving forward to express how you are feeling. However, there is a point that they must try to express those feelings without attacking if they want the partner who cheated to stay tuned in and be able to hear and help them. Get help– Often after an affair the partner that was cheated on struggles with trust, communication, and anger. If they  want to move forward with working on the relationship, seeking help from a couples counselor will help the couple towards moving forward. The couples counselor will work with the couple on how to build trust and communicate more effectively Rebuilding trust after an affair is possible if each person in the relationship is willing to put in the work. It is not easy, but to survive an affair, it is vital to the relationship for each person to be honest, transparent and communicate effectively.    ...

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You Can Be The Change In Your Relationship

Posted on Feb 24, 2018

Change starts with you:

If you want to see your relationship improve and better communicate with your partner, take a close look at what you are doing and how you can improve the relationship from your end. Does your partner say you tend to tell them things last minute and that makes them frustrated? If so, take more initiative by communicating dinner plans, work outings and so on with your partner when you find out.

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Being On Your Loved Ones Side

Posted on Feb 18, 2018

  We all know the sinking feeling when someone does not support us, be it a friend, family member or partner. It is tough navigating a relationship when your partner is not on your side, it can leave us with hurt feelings, and ultimately, it can cause the relationship to end by making your partner shut down and loose trust.  Are you a supportive partner and take your partner’s side, or are you quick to blame and defend the source of pain for your partner? Granted, there are times when our partner’s choices may challenge us and our thinking, but having a healthy relationship means it is full of love, communication, and support. You don’t have to agree with your partner to be on their side. For example, someone you love is hurt by someone else that you love.  Do you defend the other person when your loved one shares their pain? Or do you validate their emotions and show empathy for their pain? Are you willing to show love by taking small actions to help them? It’s the difference between being on your partners side and having your loved ones back or making them feel unsupported, alone and defensive.. Another  example might be: your partner would like to purchase a new computer that is expensive and the repairs are more costly if it breaks. You suggest a computer that is a fraction of the price as you think it is smarter to put the extra money towards something else. The less expensive computer may not have all the bells and whistles, but it may not functions the way your partner needs it to. You partner goes ahead and purchases the expensive computer, and after using it for a month, the computer crashes and needs repairs. In this situation do you point the finger and say “I told you so” or do you offer a lending ear and listen to what your partner needs? Your response to this situation will tell your partner if you are supportive of them or willing to be on their side.. It is entirely understandable if you are upset  that your partner spent extra money on a computer.  At the same time being in a relationship means we need to sometimes put our opinions aside and listen and help people we love. If you tend to point fingers and say- “I told you so” this will automatically put your partner in a place of defensiveness. Over time your partner will learn not to come to you when they are experiencing challenges which can lead to a lack of trust and intimacy. Next time your partner comes to you with a challenge they are experiencing, listen to what they have to say and be conscious of your reaction- Do you show love to your partner by being on their side? If you and your partner are struggling to understand each other’s perspective, it may be time to go to couples counseling. In counseling, the therapist will help you and your partner to understand how better to support each other and, ultimately, be on your partner’s side.  ...

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Make Date Night Happen

Posted on Feb 10, 2018

Wake up, eat breakfast, get the kids ready, drive to work, drive home from work, eat dinner, go to bed and repeat. Does this sound familiar? We all get wrapped in the day-to-day that we sometimes forget to take care of ourselves and our relationship. Honestly, when was the last time you and your partner had a date night? Was it a month ago, a week ago, or a year ago? However long it was, it is vital to have a regular date night with your partner. Why? Studies show couples that have a regular date night are happier and more likely to stay together long-term. How great is that? We know it can be a struggle to get regular dates on the books, so we have a few tips for you! Schedule: We know this is a less than romantic approach for some, but sometimes we need to commit to a regular schedule when it comes to dates. Pick a date once a week, every other week or once a month that works for you and your partner. Set the date in stone by booking a babysitter, making reservations and putting it in your google calendar. Switch off: If scheduling is a little less than spontaneous for your liking, have you and your partner come up with a list of things you would like to do and put each event on its own piece of paper and place in a jar. When you and your partner want to go out on a date, easily choose one from the jar. This way you pre-plan dates, and it adds a bit of fun to planning dates! Be creative: Schedules don’t work for you, nor does switching on and off. We get it, you and your partner may be building businesses, in school and work 80+ hours a week, we understand there are times in life when work, raising kids, or going school may take more time. This one calls for a bit of creativity. Plan a special night in by making your favorite dinner together, put on a movie or play a game. Date nights don’t have to be extravagant or cost a lot of money. It is about spending quality time with your partner, just the two of you. Having a regular date nights will help you and your partner connect and continue to grow together as a couple.  It’s vitally important to your relationship.    ...

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