Couples Conflict: Who’s right?

Over the years I’ve noticed that a lot of the couples I see feel the need to focus on who is right and who is wrong. It’s as if the person who is right is the winner and the person who is wrong is the looser. You can’t run a successful equal partnership this way. Doing this can cause serious damage to your relationship. If you have to be right your partner will eventually move farther and farther away from you emotionally. Your emotional and sometimes physical intimacy will quickly deteriorate in the game of right v wrong.

Instead of playing this game try changing your relationship by looking at different perceptions as simple differences with one not being better than the other. When your not in agreement your focus should be on how do we meet in the middle. Your relationship can survive if your willing to make some changes.

I tell my couples that I could take them outside and have them observe a car wreck. One would say the red car hit the blue car and one would say the blue car hit the red car. The perceptions vary because of the viewpoint. The more important question however is are there any injuries and what immediate action should we take. When you find yourself trying to prove that you are right ask yourself whether or not being right will fix the problem. Some times we have to make a choice. Do you want to be right or do you want a meaningful relationship?

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