Have These Discussions Before You Marry

Are you and your partner thinking about tying the knot? For couples that are engaged or thinking about getting married, it is essential to be on the same page with your partner. Listed are five questions for conversations that are necessary to have. The questions are intended to get you thinking about married life, how you envision your future, and how to handle challenges that will arise during the marriage.

  1. What do you imagine the relationship will be like down the road?   This is a loaded question that can be interpreted a few different ways, but it is important to learn about how your partner envisions their ideal marriage. Is one partner going to stay home to raise children? Do you want to have children? Do you want to buy a house? Do you both value working? For this question, provide detail of a day in the life of your ideal marriage, right down to household responsibilities and childcare- this will give you and your partner a view into your ideal marriage and life.
  2. What are your sexual expectations? For couples that have sex before marriage, this is a question that may already be worked out. Even if it is something that has worked out, it is an excellent time to talk about how often each partner would like to have sex, how sex will change with work stress, children and so on. Also, if you or your partner have some unexplored fantasies, this is a good time to talk about it!
  3. How is money going to be handled? Finances are a touchy subject for many people, part of the reason being is because a lot of people were not raised to talk about money. Going into a marriage, it is important for each partner to be aware of each other’s debts, have an idea of their salary, spending habits if they are a saver vs. spender and so on. In addition to being aware of their financial status, it is essential to talk about future money challenges- what if one spouse loses their job, or wants to start a business how will it be handled?
  4. What are your deal breakers? Going into a marriage it is vital to understand what your partner’s deal breakers are. Deal breakers may include- cheating, being irresponsible with money, and doing things that are untrustworthy.
  5. Do you share the same values and morals? This extends to religion, faith, and spirituality. If one partner wants to raise their children with a specific religion or no religion, it is important to be on the same page and be honest about your faith.

 

These questions are to help you understand your partner better. If you are struggling with getting on the same page about values or money before your wedding, it is a suggestion to seek couples counseling or premarital counseling. Having an outside, neutral person to help you and your partner work out these issues will help to set-up your marriage for success!

 

 

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