My Spouse Won’t Listen to Me

In order for your partner to understand what you need they must not feel attacked. When they feel attacked their brain goes into fight or flight. I teach couples to eliminate attack by using I statements. It does not mean saying “I feel like you”. The I statements are about what I feel, what I think and what I experience. This kind of statement can be heard and understood by your partner. You also have to be willing to listen with an open mind, and receive the information. Sounds too easy? It’s not. This is a muscle that you have to develop over time by practicing it with non-conflictual issues. So that you can then pull it out of your toolbox when you face conflict. Couples counseling can help you build this muscle.

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