Surviving An Affair

Is it possible to trust your partner after they have had an affair? This is a loaded question, after an affair, the partner that was cheated on is confused, upset, angry, and betrayed.  With work, communication, and commitment a relationship can survive an affair.

Steps a couple needs to take to survive an affair:

  1. Stop the affair– This seems like a simple one, but often after the physical part of an affair is over, people will continue to communicate. The partner that is having an affair needs to stop the affair immediately. This includes all phone calls, texts, emails, and connection on social media- if they are friends with the person they are having the affair with on social media, it is best to remove them from all accounts. It also helps to refer to that person as the affair partner or AP
  2. Answer questions– The partner that had the affair must be open to answering questions from their partner. The betrayed partner might feel like they need all the details.  It’s important that they ask themselves how or if some the details will help them or cause longer term pain. Ignoring it will only create more distance and won’t allow for emotional healing. Schedule times to talk.  Discussing it 24/7 will only exhaust both of you.
  3. Be realistic– The partner that cheated needs to understand that it takes time to heal from an affair. There is no set time on the healing process, and it may take 2 months, 1 year, or two years for the partner that was cheated on to move forward.  It’s a process that will require long term reassurance and honesty to get through.
  4. Talk about your feelings– It is essential for the partner that was cheated on to express their opinions about the affair- disappointment, anger, rage, and doubt are a range of emotions those who have been cheated on feel.  It is vital towards moving forward to express how you are feeling. However, there is a point that they must try to express those feelings without attacking if they want the partner who cheated to stay tuned in and be able to hear and help them.
  5. Get help– Often after an affair the partner that was cheated on struggles with trust, communication, and anger. If they  want to move forward with working on the relationship, seeking help from a couples counselor will help the couple towards moving forward. The couples counselor will work with the couple on how to build trust and communicate more effectively

Rebuilding trust after an affair is possible if each person in the relationship is willing to put in the work. It is not easy, but to survive an affair, it is vital to the relationship for each person to be honest, transparent and communicate effectively.




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